July 20, 2011
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So much for “It takes a village?”
Here’s the scenario:
I’m at the beach (of course, It’s 100 degrees out!) with the kids and dog.
A group of firemen show up and put a rescue dingy in the water, some of them zoom off to help a capsized boat, some of them are standing on the shore with the trailer the dingy was on and some of them are at the end of a long dock out in the water.
A group of about ten young boys show up and wade into the water, mixing with the other kids at the beach, mine included.
At first all of the play is nice and good, a little tag , some jumping on shoulders…
then I see the first handful of mud fly.
At first I thought, okay call my kids away, I did… Then more mud flies.
Other parents are standing around and watching, waiting for the boys parents to say something…
Very quickly it becomes obvious their parents aren’t there…
There is a group of four firemen standing by a boat trailer with all of this happening in front of them, they are watching it all unfold, just standing there…
I yell at the kids ” Are your parent’s here?!” To which one replies no… as more mud goes flying through the air.
This time I yell… “STOP THROWING MUD!” of course I’m ignored.
The mud throwing continues, but now everyone is also looking at the crazy lady who is wading in the water yelling at the kids to stop throwing fistfuls of mud.
I am fuming watching the firemen just stand there… I go up to them and say “Aren’t you going to say something?”
To which one guy said “Where are their parents?” I said “I don’t think they’re here.”
Then, this is what set me off… One of them looked at me and said “It’s not my job.”
To which, I can’t believe I have this much bitch in me, but apparently I do…
I said
“Your a fireman! So what, it’s your job to wait until one of them get their head cracked open by a rock and THEN when there’s blood streaming down their head, then it’s your job?”
At least I think that’s what I said… I am still a little foggy from the bitchiness that had over taken my brain cells.
They stared at me, I walked away, waited a few more minutes. Then I watched one of the boys turning and wincing in pain as one of the other boys hit him in the back with a giant wad of mud…
I shouted one last time… “PLEASE STOP! Someone is going to get hurt.”
The kids packed it in and as they got out of the water I saw one of the younger firemen take a couple of them aside and say something but I have no idea what.
Okay… I’m a little upset over this, more than a little. For the first time ever I am disappointed in the image/ ideal of a fireman. I am probably over hormonal, maybe a little crabby from the heat…
I honestly don’t know if I overreacted or not.
I guess my questions are these…
Would you have been upset with a group of kids throwing mud?
Would you have said anything if you were upset?
Would you expect an authority figure like a fireman to tell them to stop?
Comments (56)
They should have said something they have a place of respect and authority, I am glad you stood in the gap Ang. See you soon!
@seedsower - Thank you Beth! YOU saying that makes me feel better. (hug) I can’t wait to see you!!!!!!!!!!
You did the right thing. I am surprised the fireman backed off.He shouldn’t have.
You did do the right thing. I’m proud of you. When I was growing up the neighbors always felt free to correct us when we were doing the wrong thing. Of course, should the fireman correct a child who runs home and tells his mommy the fireman yelled at him, guess who is guilty until proven innocent? After mommy calls the fire department and chews out the captain, threatening a lawsuit, he’d probably suffer time off work and maybe unpaid leave until the investigation is over after which they’ll let him go because the fire department would worry about the next time he takes it upon himself to discipline somebody else’s kids.
Wow…I can’t believe the fireman said it’s not his job.
As an authority figure…I think it’s damn well his job to step in there.
I am impressed that you did that. It somewhat makes me feel that all the old values may not be entirely gone, though sometimes it sure seems that way. These days it seems so few people care about anything anymore…
You certainly did the right thing. Posssibly the supervisor of the firemen should get a call and be told about this. It is outrageous for the men not to stop this.
I think firemen are people too. Flawed like all of us and not always behaving heroically. Have you seen Rescue Me?
BTW, I used to be Beli_Grrl. I’m back with a new name.
Isn’t there any other authority at the beach..lifeguards or security. There should be posted rules and certainly throwing mud should be one of the rules. I think I’d complain to whoever is in charge of the park or whatever, and be sure to mention the unwillingness of the fireman to say anything.
I’d have beaten their asses, fist fed them mud and probably said worse to the firemen. I cant stand other peoples kids, especially if they cant behave when left unattended.
I agree with the others. The kids should not have been throwing mud. The parents neglected their duty. The firemen were irresponsible. You were well justified to be upset and take action.
frank
You went about it all wrong! First you have to think like a boy. In order to do that, you have to stop thinking. Next you have to appeal to their survival instincts and you yell, “OH MY GOD! THERE’S A WATER MOCCASAN SWIMMING STRAIGHT FOR THOSE BOYS” as you are pointing right at them. That would have ended the their escapades in a jiffy. As for the fireman, They were probably wishing they could throw mud at each other too.
I thnk the fireman was wrong for walking away. You were asking for help and he is in a position of authority and could have stopped those boys easily.
Obviously someone needed to be the voice of reason. Don’t worry – you acted ethically. You protected your children, attempted to have a figure of authority take charge, and when that failed stepped in to fill a parental void. Bravo to you and raspberries to the Firemen. I’d write a letter to the mayor concerning the incident – maybe the fire department needs a reminder about who they work for and what their jobs entail…
If the boys throwing mud were keeping it to themselves, I would not have said anything. If they were throwing it at other folks/kids, YES, I would say something. I might have taken it a step further, and tried to get one of the boys to give me their parent’s phone number.
In my opinion, I feel the firemen should have intervened.
I relate to the yelling.
I always feel it’s fair game to yell at or even slap or spank a child misbehaving in public if their damn parents aren’t going to do it. But no, it’s not the firemen’s job. They’ve got enough to do.
i would have done what you did, but i would have found out which fire station they were from (even if it was several) and then contacted the captain of that station(s) and maybe even the battalion chief. i would have also taken as many names as possible, even the guy that said “not my job” and reported them as that is not acceptable behalves from fire fighters.
@Ampbreia - i disagree. fire fighters are part of public safety and they should have recognized an unsafe situation and stepped up and they should have really stepped up after an other adult requested their assistance.
If the firemen had acted they could have been sued.
Parents can outsource their job to public employees. Unless you’re a teacher, raising someone else’s child it truly isn’t your job. The fireman was correct.
It’s a shame but that’s the way it is.
And you took great risk getting involved. Those kids could have murdered you and then claimed that you infringed on their rights.
“To which, I can’t believe I have this much bitch in me, but apparently I do… “
This had me cracking up. It happens when you have kids.
Been there! And for nearly the same reasons… no one takes any responsibility for anything anymore. You know the saying that was so common during my parents generation? “All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing”. Well that seems to be where we are… people just refuse to get involved… think it’s ‘not their business’. Well, I am not like that. I make it my business… and yes, am often greeted with dazed looks from onlookers. Have you ever watched that show What Would You Do? It offers some encouragement that there actually are other people like us.
I will admit I can see why the firefighters wouldn’t have thought to get involved. It really was up to all the parents and other adults that were there.
@Aloysius_son - Too funny, but I can see how your approach would do the trick. lol And yeah, I kind of had the same thought about the firemen… they were probably relating to when they were boys… probably thought nothing of it.
You were right to say something and I’m glad that you did. If nothing else, you taught your kids a lesson in standing up for what’s right and standing your ground. What a disappointment that the fireman didn’t step up and help you.
I do a lot of volunteering with kids through elementary school and swim teams (where the kids range all the way up to 18 yrs old), and I am continually shocked at how disrespectful and unresponsive most kids are to feedback from other parents/adults. I think so many kids are not used to hearing “NO” or being told what to do by their own parents that hearing it from someone else is like hearing a foreign language. Sad, but true. At least you and I will be out there trying to speak the language of parental sanity — even if we have a bitchy moment or two in the process!!!!
To answer your questions: yes, yes and yes! Firemen or not, they were adults and should have gone over to talk to those boys, especially since they were asked. I know kids will be kids but when playing turns into something dangerous, it’s time to put a stop to it. Unfortunately with their parents not being there I’m sure they felt like they could do anything and get away with it. I think you did the right thing and would hope I’d do likewise in the same situation.
I see nothing wrong with a mud fight if it is limited to the young boys and nobody else is getting hit with mud. It’s really easy to tell if a clump of mud has a rock in it, I did it a lot as a kid
. Quite frankly, they aren’t hurting anybody or breaking any laws, so why should a fireman (who is probably more concerned with any assistance he needs to provide to the people on the capsized boat when they get to shore) care about some kids having fun that some stranger doesn’t approve of? I kind of think you were the crazy lady freaking out over nothing, sorry.
1) Yes, I would have been upset with a group of kids throwing mud. 2) No, I would not have said something. But if it got bad then I might ask where their parents were and if they said that their parents weren’t there, then I’d probably call the police. 3) I don’t think firemen are authority figures at all. I’m sorry but I don’t. I think at the beach the only authority figures are the police, beach patrol and life guards.
I’m sorry but while I agree with your argument of “why would firemen wait till the one of the children got hurt” argument. It’s not something I thought of while reading this. I didn’t think about rocks in the mud. However, I do stand by my belief that firemen aren’t authority figures and should not have been expected to do anything. I’m sure those firemen were thinking, “What authority do we have to tell random kids to behave”. Their job is to fight fires and rescue people, not babysit. And where in the world, were their parents???
I’m glad you stepped up, I’m sure you taught those firemen a lesson… perhaps they should have helped you because they could help.
I would have jumped right in the middle of those rascals. I deal with unruly kids(with or without parents) almost on a daily basis at Wally World……I asked a kid one day to turn down the volume on the car stereo display and he gave me the finger. I then asked him if he listened to music that loud at home and he said, Hell yah. I said,Then go home and listen! He left.
Being a school teacher, you BET I would have waded in there and talked to those kids. Sadly, I think most people are so focused on doing as little as possible, or being sued, looking bad or being rejected, that they are powerless to act.What ever happened to doing the right thing because it is the right thing? Sheeesh! I am disappointed with those guys, but proud of YOU!
You don’t like firemen?
Unfortunately, I believe the term “authority figure” may be a tad outdated. I probably would have been pretty annoyed myself.
You did the right thing, the other adults and firemen should of said something as well.
I would have been wading in there with you running the mud throwers off. I would have been yelling louder than you and would have also reamed out the fireman for not helping to keep the situation safe. They work for the tax payers and citizens, and they are there to do more than stand in the sun and wear the uniforms.
i admire your stringent
Yes, Yes and yes Mornin Glorie….As Woodrow Call would have said “ I hate rude behavior in a man. I won’t tolerate it.” same thing goes for unsupervised kids and firefighters – you didn’t overreact Ang – you did the right thing….that’s why ILYM
(if firefighters are not authority figures we’re in a whole world of hurt here people)
I don’t think I would have paid much attention to the boys throwing mud. I expect that out of children. Sometimes they get hurt. Sometimes they get hurt badly, but that’s part of growing up. I think it’s better for a young person to have more first hand experience with the real world – when there is no mommy or security guard to save the day.
Of course I don’t know how old the kids were or how brutal the game was, but I tend to be quite lenient as far as what I consider normal for a young boy.
@Aloysius_son - You are so right. I totally should have gone about it a different way, maybe distracting them some how… Something Iike “I bet you can’t run to the end of the dock faster then he can.” kinda thing… But with the heat and the hormones I totally dropped the ball… I also could have gone up to the firemen quietly when it started and said would you mind giving them a little shout before things get out of hand… but I didn’t. *sigh* Live and learn.
@angi1972 - The heat often makes it difficult for me to think rationally. Usually I begin foaming at the mouth and flail my arms about while screeching incoherant sentenced laced with a cornacopia of profanities. Don’t beat your self up over it. If you want you can go beat up Donkey. I think a good thwacking now and then would do him a bit of good.
@oceanstarr - The “If they get hurt they will learn a lesson.” thing did go through my mind, and the they are boys thing occured to me too… But it was an intense mud fight and there were younger boys that were getting hit that I don’t think wanted to be involved even though they were in the group… They were wincing in pain… ANyway… I would say something again, I have decieded it doesn’t hurt to say anything, the most they could do would be stop, the least would be to ignore me… which they did. lol And if one of them gets hurt I can stick my tongue out and say “I TOLD YOU SO!” ;-D As for the firemen… *sigh*
@mlbncsga - No ILYM!!!!!!
@hapax23 - LOL YOu had far more control then I would have! Thanks for the smile Hap!
@xsimplepleasuresx - That’s okay, we can agree to disagree… I have been a crazy lady before and I am sure I will be one again. lol
@TiredSoVeryTired - I did go read their job description since the comment made me fume the most… I think that I had mentally instilled them with more power then they actually have, the hero thing and all I suppose… BUT… These firemen were volunteers, also trained in emergency services. (Which is why they were at the beach helping with a water crafet.) ANYWAY, the description of duties states…
Performs eamergency aid activities including first aid and poviding other assistance as required.
So if a kid had split his head open or been blinded by sand, he would have had to help. You would think he’d want to avoid the hassle. lol
@Lost_in_Sparks - I haven’t seen Rescue Me. I agree they are human and perhaps I should have cut them a little break… I’m not writing letters to anyone about anything, just griping on the innernet a little. lol I am so glad to SEE you! I will try to keep up.
@angi1972 - Yes, I agree you would think he’d want to prevent some injuries rather than tend to them. I don’t think it was wrong of you to ask them for help considering they were adults standing there watching the boys throw mud. I just don’t think they, as firemen, were obligated to help. But yeah, I agree you would think they’d want to prevent injuries too. But we don’t know what their orders were for that rescue, either.
I absolutely think the fireman should have stopped the boys from throwing mud. I am disappointed in his attitude of it “not being his job”. I’m glad you didn’t look the other way, even though it would have been easier to do that. We need more Angis in the world!
Kathi
Yes, yes, and yes. The guy is surely not gonna lose his job for stopping an assault, and if it was getting out of hand it was. People are too scared to step in these days, and it’s outrageous. That’s the same attitude that is displayed when people stand by and watch when someone is robbed or raped.
Angie, my old friend, quite honestly Mom,
…boys will be boys. we play rough. we get hurt.
usually its not too bad.
this is how we learn.
we men are not as smart as women.
just more physically robust.
the firemen were once boys themselves…
and are trained to react rather than to prevent.
this is why grown men and young boys will
always need Mom.
aaron
.Wow, YES, you were right! This is something neither of you will ever forget! Enjoy you time with Beth!!!!!
i could see my mom doing the exact same thing. and the firemen…they had an opportunity to talk to some kids and maybe make a difference even if it was only for that day. they should have stepped in and taken it. the kids might have been more inclined to listen to them.(not fair, but true). don’t stop caring/taking action just because everybody else doesn’t. the world needs more mom’s like you ( and my mom).
I think you over reacted. Kids throw mud. (most will become politicians I guess) Let them throw mud. OMG, somebody might get dirty! The only kids you have any say over are your own. Gosh, what could be more embarrassing than getting dirty in a mud fight? Maybe having my mom come and pull me out of the fun.
The firemen were right to stay out of it.
@angi1972 - lol… Yeah. If you feel compelled to say something, do it. Like I said, I couldn’t see the expressions on any faces so there’s a lot I can’t really respond to.
I’m sorry I’m so late. I admire people who can stand up and shout. Even at ballgames! I’m such a wimp. Yes, fireman/police/man/police any grown up man (they’re still more respected by teen boys than women…sorry ladies its’ true) should have tried to avert impending disaster. Thank you for my mass message..I’m truly honored! ~Gail
Yes I would have said something, I have said something. I wish I was on the beach where a man, suicidal drowned himself in front of a crowd of people. It took over an hour for him to drown, he even looked back to see if anyone cared. There was a group of firemen there then too. Because of cuts, the firemen said they had no training on water rescue and the man could be dangerous to them to rescue without proper training (they had a point there, suicidal are often violent or on drugs or can stab or drown their rescuers. STILL…. As it was, a young woman, about 18, finally swam out, and brought his body back to shore. No one went to save the guy. I think I might have at least tried to talk to him, from a distance for sure, but tried. No one had a raft, a boat, nothing? There was outrage, but only after…
So, no you were not wrong. AS for why firemen do what they do, they have been trained against martyr behavior (aka 9/11 behaviors) that killed so many firemen and cost so much to replace those lost). Plus many are fearful of lawsuits. Since I have so little material wealth, I am not fearful of lawsuits and thumb my nose at the idea. I believe in safety for community is the higher power here. I am proud of you and no you did NOT over react!
Got your message.
You were fine doing what you did. At least it got people’s attention after a while. Better safe than sorry.
i don’t have kids so i have no idea if i would be upset, but i do expect firemen/policemen to do something, especially when asked. “not my job” is not something i appreciate hearing from anyone (i do hear it a lot at work unfortunately). but it’s not an overreaction if safety is at issue. hope ya feel better. i know i’m a bit late on this, as i haven’t been on xanga in weeks
Yes, I would have been upset…no,I probably wouldn’t have said anything…except to point it out to the firemen who should have asked them to stop. I thought firemen were authority figures…they should act accordingly.