October 2, 2006
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All of the movie gathering has been fun and it’s reminded me of about a millon other movies that I love and that definitely deserve a mention so I’m compiling my list and will post it later.
At the end of my post I said I needed definition. It started me thinking about how I define myself. We’re all faced with this dilemma on a daily basis. Maybe it’s not a dilemma to some of you.You know who you are. When I browse the posted profiles I see that we all define ourselves in many varied ways. Some of you get quite detailed. I look at mine and I see mother,wife, aunt… yadda yadda yadda… is that who I am?
A year ago Ben and I attended a conference on apologetics. Religious studies is a hobby of his. We got a babysitter for the kids, put on our finest and went to a fancy dinner for the speakers. When we got to the restaurant we were seated at our table with eight other people. Ben was to one side of me and an older woman was to my left. Immediately she looked at me and asked “What do you do?” to which I smiled and said “I’m a stay at home mom.” to which she responded “Oh’” And since she didn’t offer,but clearly wanted to be asked I said “What do You do?” “I teach history at Columbia University.” I was excited because I love history. Before I could question her farther, she had turned away from me. It all went down hill from there.
I would ask a question struggling to make conversation.Considering this and that. I asked if she had children, she did, six and she had once been a stay at home mom. And when she told me this I thought, then why are you making this so hard?! Shouldn’t we have tons of things to talk about? The truth was, her definition had changed. She had moved on to her career. I was still working on my family. I know it’s possible to have both, and if she had still been raising her family or I had been a working mom maybe we would have had something to talk about. In the end, we did. We found that we had art in common and desert was spent enjoyably discussing exhibits we had seen and who our favorite artists were.
Ooo another list is brewing…
The point is that our definitions do change. It’s important to know what yours is. I’m just realizing that mine is broader. I need to start paying attention to the part that doesn’t include my family. It’s too easy to get sucked into one part of your definition. Maybe because the word in itself limits us and we are boundless. Of course boundless and limitless don’t fit in a profile box or an introduction. So I will say I’m a writer. I’m an artist. I’m a traveler. I’m a student of life. I’m full of it. Well, you know, I’m still working on it.
Comments (21)
Sounds like you are doing very well with your life, never thought about defining myself, wouldn’t know where to start, but I’ve had a fun trip so far.
Happy Tuesday to Ya.
whoa, tiger, this is all kinda deep.
I have no idea what my definition is.
What a deep post, but I understand where your coming from. I’ve had the your just a stay at home mom conversation, as if you don’t know anything. To me people like that are small minded.
Interesting post! I too struggled with making myself be more than Chris’ wife or my children’s mom (which is quite the challenge some days,lol)! Rachel helped me realize that I needed to do that! I went to college the first time for Communication Art & Design, met Chris while there, decided advertising/graphic arts wasn’t for me, did daycare for a few years. After Adrian was born I decided to get a job outside the home. Now I have been back in college for the past 18 months to become a Certified Veterinary Technician.
I don’t know if definition is completely necessary. I hate feeling ‘boxed’ in to one particular label, especially since I’m constantly changing… evolving almost.
Great post. I love the kind that really get you thinking, you know?
Ryc I am a retired heavy equipment operator, now all I do is have fun fishing, racing, and fartin off. Worked for 40 years and it is soooooo nice to be retired.
See Ya
See, we all end up doing it wether we want to or not. Society forces us to try and condense ourselves into a few sentences. The trick for me is to not get stuck on one thing. To remember that I do not fit in a box. Okay I might if it were a really big box or I kinda turned sideways and held my arms real close to my side or folded up and pulled my knees into my chest. ooo uncomfortable thoughts.
i am a crazy cat lady and a bunch of other not-so-great things.
Hey. That was deep indeed. Some people are to fast to judge. : (
that is true we are always changing and redefining who we are as people but, I think it would be remiss to forget or ignore what we where
haha, true.. maybe you can say, I’m still trying to figure out my “profession” and you both will have a good laugh about it and take things easy. Maybe sometimes people are just not interested to make new friends or lazy to make conversations at the start. It doesn’t mean she have judged you or anything. So don’t think too deeply into it.
I have similar experience before 
and if they did judge you, then they would change their opinion when you know them better.
I’ve decided not to grow up so I don’t have to decide what I want to be. Been there with the “you’re an inferior” attitude because I chose and was blessed to be able to stay home with my kids. In response to my definition of self, there are many, and I pull one out of the hat every day. That way, I don’t have to think about it too much.
Great post! I often wonder about how other people see me. How others may define me… Knowing full well that we define ourselves.
At middle age, I feel as though I am still trying to sort that out.
RYC: ROFLMAO. The gill story was worth the search.
hey I’m trying to keep myself anonymous from some people that’s why I didn’t write where I come from But it is right of sweden
now you should know where.
I’m not a stay-at-home mom or even a mom at all, but I understand what you mean. I’m married but have no kids, and it’s not because I’m recently married. We’ve been married 13 years. We’re probably not going to have kids (unless God decides to send them). And when I meet new people (mostly women) and they ask if I have kids and I say no, the conversation kind of peters out. If they ask about my job, I tell them I’m a journalist, and then all we talk about is the news. I do have other interests — and even a family. It just doesn’t include children.
RYC Thank you, Hard to find anything on Dads, Tons of nice stuff on Moms, thought I would give Dads a call today.
HUMP….HUMP….HUMP!!!
Hump Day Ang, didn’t want you to forget OUR day…LOL :Silly:
I don’t think you NEED to define yourself or anyone else for that matter. I ahve been a stay at home mom, now I am an Operations Manager for a smallish company…I would go back home with my kids in a second if I could. The definition of your life comes from what you believe, and what makes you happy. It is not measured by your job, or your community service, how much money you have or don’t have…but the love in your heart and the grace in your walk.
Well…there is my 2 cents…did I mention it was HUMP DAY?
LOL
ryc: LOL. hello there. didn’t mean to be rude and not say anything. i really don’t know how i got here before, to tell you the truth.
Wow! I think stay at home moms have a very…um…searching for the word here…time-consuming and sometimes difficult, but rewarding job. Those weren’t exactly the words I was looking for, but close enough. I agree with rubymay1029 that it is a blessing to be able to stay at home with your kids and as your kids grow up they’ll come to realize it too.
My mom worked part-time, but we kids never had to do the day-care thing, for which I am very grateful. So kudos to you!
Some people are so judgmental it makes me angry.